It is with good regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, since I needed to prevent a scene with Mother and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so awesome. On the other hand, I understood you would not approve of her since of her piercings, tattoos, and tight motorbike clothing. Also, she is so much more mature than me.
But it is not only the passion, Father. She’s pregnant. Stacy reported that we will be very joyful. She owns a trailer…